Monthly Archives: February 2016

It’s been 14 days and 2 weeks.

February 3, 2016DeathDad, Death, grief, sleep disturbancespnwgirl1963

The past 14 days have been a blur of sorts. Everyone has returned to work, and their lives. The obituary is done. Dad has been cremated. Mom is busy cleaning and putting the house back together. I still continue to dream.

Last nights dream was I was the only one in the house who had a clue that dad was dead. Everyone was flitting about as if he wasn’t. I was standing there trying to yell in my dream hey dad what are you doing here you’re dead. And I was panicked because nobody was acknowledging what I was saying.

I don’t want to dream about him anymore for a while. It’s way too upsetting. I’ve been having panic attacks, not sleeping well, i’m feeling anxiety, and angst. Cripes, i’m feeling anxious just writing about this.

Some of dads favorite sayings.

February 2, 2016Deathpnwgirl1963

If you asked dad a yes or no question like “Duh, why are you asking such a stupid question?”

“Is the pope a Catholic?” For yes.

“Is a pigs ass pork?” For yes.

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” For yes.

“Is a frog’s ass watertight?” For yes.

I see him everywhere.

February 2, 2016DeathDad, grief, losspnwgirl1963

I was at the doctors office today which is located in our local hospital – and I could’ve sworn I saw my father three different times walking off the elevator.

It still doesn’t seem real. I know it’s real. I have forgotten what he sounds like and that is just heart wrenching.

When I look at the date I can’t believe it’s been 12 days since he died. I made a promise that I would write in this journal every day and I haven’t kept his promise and I feel horrible. But some days I just can’t make it type for my brain think of the words because all I do is cry.