It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Part of that has been purposeful. Part of it not so purposeful. 

I made an impromptu totally spontaneous day trip to see my mom. I haven’t seen her in awhile at least a month.

You know it was good, creepy and comforting to see, look, touch, and feel my dads ashes today. I haven’t seen what was left until today. It was mind numbing to think my big, tall, 200 pound father who was larger than life to me could now fit into a little box. 

But he did.

It was something I needed to do. 

His ashes were white and the consistency of the pale white sands of Maui, and I will think of my father every time I’m in Maui walking in the soft sand. 

It’s been 4 months since my father died.

It’s been 22 weeks since my father died.

It’s been 156 days since my father died.

Some say this is closure.

I say there will never be closure.

I just think it’s part of healing.